They're running running running at her and she stops and looks back but they're chasing her, monsters with scary faces, faces of people she knows or knew she doesn't know which but they're chasing her, and it's monsters monster monsters so she turns and keeps running running towards the edge and she reaches the cliff and it's such a long drop so she stops again and wonders if she'll have to jump but the monsters are coming for her and the ground falls away and she is flying.
The intention behind sort of mashing it all together into one sentence so as to give the idea of being in a hurry is clear though personally, I think the "hurrying" mood can be brought forth better like...make the reader feel like she's really in that situation and is running and stuff. Then again, it's only so short so perhaps that's why. And I'm not too sure how to do that either.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you but if I ever write something like this, it's all metaphors concerning some somewhat important thing that happened to me and my feelings about it. But I don't want to say it out so I push the thoughts into the" figurative dimension"(I really just made that up on the spot.) So yeah, I wonder what was going through your mind as you wrote this...
Cheers~ :D
MUSH
Read this one since I was short on time so I looked for a short post. I love this -ish theme of yours. You're good.
ReplyDeleteWow, um . . . how to describe this? It's cool the way you made it all in one sentence, I really get that sense of urgency and panic to it.
ReplyDelete(But it got a bit confusing with all the metaphors.)