She soaked up the midnight. Spread her arms, let it sink into her skin. The soft, clean air. The stars. The dying streetlamps.
Happy birthday to me.
She lay back on the grass. Slightly damp, it stuck to her skin. Itched, a little, but she didn’t move.
Beauty. That’s how the sky looked. Heaven, reaching towards her, palms outstretched. She could live forever in the stars, the constellations shining so bright. Never ending. Eternal. Far away.
She rolled over then, dirt touching her face. Caressing it, almost. The spot where the lump was.
But it was her birthday. Twenty seven years ago, she entered this life. A screaming baby with a clean brain.
Lights are still on. Lighting the street. People up late working or perhaps just relaxing. And even more people asleep. Sleeping because they have all the time in the world. Heartbeats, years, lifetimes ahead of them.
She doesn’t.
It’s another half hour before she goes back inside. But she won’t sleep. She’ll be awake, doing everything. She’ll enjoy it, make herself enjoy it, because she’s perfectly functional. She’s a person on her 27th birthday.
And she’s earned that birthday.
Awake for the next twenty four hours. Because that way, she’ll be tired when she finally swallows the pills. That way, it will seem like falling asleep. Because she’s going to die a human being, independent. Happy.
I’ll be there soon, she tells the stars, staring at them through the windowpane. She’ll be with them soon.
But until then, she has things to do.
Ooh. Suicide. I like the way you portrayed it and the "I'll be with the stars soon" part. I like how you made it her birthday too, though I'd wished the reason behind the suicide was more clear.
ReplyDeleteThis was kind of a bittersweet, I thought. Because, on the one hand, it's about dying. But it's not like she's depressed or anything, she's just accepted that she's going to die (I'm guessing she has cancer, because of the lump that you mentioned...right?). But she's going to enjoy her last day because the Earth still holds pleasures for her, but if she stays for any longer it won't be.
ReplyDeleteAnd the part about the stars. It's cool how you referenced back to the stars, how she was thinking about them before and about living among them
and then she's actually going to be there.
Oh and it's kind of ironic how she's going to die on her birthday, the day she came into the world, but maybe that's fitting because things have come full circle.
Uh...my sleep addled brain may have just typed out something that doesn't exactly make sense. Sorry. But this was cool. :)
Depressing.
ReplyDeleteAlthough at the same time, it holds elements of - what's the word? Yeah . . . bittersweetness would be the best way to describe it.
And that makes it all the more sadder because you can really relate to her and her motives.
Eerie. Good job.